EVEN HUGER coming-out-of-retirement announcement

Following Michael Owen's League Cup heroics against West Yorkshire giants Leeds United the other night, the English media and various punters have been calling for his reinstatement to the England Squad. And bloody right they should too.

"We've not produced a decent out-and-out goalscorer since him, and this proves he's still the best out there at what he does," they've inkily bellowed in unison.

"1-0 down to Germany in the final. Who would you rather a loose ball in the box fall to, him or Darren fucking Bent?" they add, putting you and your out-with-the-old fickleness in its rightful place. And your rightful place is anywhere but an internet comments section, where only the wise and brave may trod.*

Well we here at PLB would like to go one better than that and call for the reinstatement of England's finest living goalscorer, the one and only Robbie Fowler Alan Shearer Gary Lineker? GEOFF HURST.

Pic from guardian

So wickle Mickey Owen blasted a peach past the Argies in...what year was that again? Oh right, 1998. Hmm, Wikipedia's telling me France won the competition that year.

Sure, his two late goals for Liverpool against Arsenal in one of the most one-sided finals ever where the Reds got to lift old big-ears were something, but get a load of this - Hursty (do they call him that?) knocked three** past the Germans and ended up lifting the World Cup. That's the World Cup, bitches. Old skinny gold-body herself.

We tried contacting Sir Hurst MBE for his thoughts on our petition yesterday, alas his publicist told us he's currently too busy admiring statues of himself and acting as McDonald's Director of Football. I think the latter involves convincing aspiring athletes that Big Macs were the secret to his success.

Michael Owen was a great striker at his peak, and those are the moments for which he should be remembered. Without question he'd welcome another crack at the big-time, but unlike rock & roll where for some inexplicable reason retirement is a non-entity, there comes a time where you have to accept your best years are behind you.




* Oh I kid the internet. Leave us a few comments below FFS, won't you?
** Shut up, it counted.

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That's Bloody Criminal

Seven years ago today the football world lost one of its greatest ever. Few will disagree with that statement and it should be noted that not only are we here at PLB further immortalising the memory of Brian Howard Clough for his contribution to the game but even moreso for the size of his bollocks which we have no doubt are still very well intact even after a score in the grave.

Admit it, you wish you could get the sack and walk out in style as Clough did as portrayed by Michael Sheen in the following clip from "The Damned United."

Brian Howard Clough, we salute you.

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Savage Love-Hate

Image from bbc.co.uk

The commentators would never shut up about what a polarizing figure Robbie Savage was when he was playing in the top flight. "You know what they say about Robbie Savage - he's the player the fans of the team he's playing for just love...and the opposition fans love to hate!" A wind-up merchant of the highest order, he reveled in getting under his opponents' collective skins. At the end of last season, at the age of 36 and upon discovering Twitter, he called time on his career. His playing career anyway.

For some reason he is now more ubiquitous than ever. Every TV and radio station in the UK seems to employ him for his expert insight into the game. Here he is previewing last season's Champions League tie between Spurs and Inter Milan:



Well there you have it people. Some betting firm employed him to give his prediction, and he didn't cite a single reason to back up his tip. Didn't name a single player from either team. Hope you put the mortgage on that one.

And what are we to make of this?



Okay, haha, at this point I'm warming to the silly tit. He can laugh at himself, which is all we really ask of the halfwits in our lives. And now he's doing one of those retarded competitive dancing shows I never watch too. Christ on a bike, he is some glutton for attention.

But if you follow him on Twitter you'll see that he's as likely to retweet the love...

as he is the hate...

Wow. I had no idea about this Welsh murder-thy-neighbour stereotype, but it's nice to see Robbie can have a giggle about that too.

You could have trimmed those locks when Sex & the City went off the air, but you're sticking to your guns like a true maverick. PLB salutes you for your persistence if nothing else, Robbie. 

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HUGE Retirement Announcement

So I breezed through a story earlier about Luke Young announcing his retirement from international football, laying the blame at England manager Fabio Capello for not giving him a fair shot. It had somehow escaped my attention that he was ever an England player, I have to admit. In fact I had to do a Wikipedia search to remind myself who he even is. Oh he's a 32 year-old full-back at QPR and hasn't played for England since 2005. This is big news right here.

Which sort of reminds me, I'm turning 32 myself quite soon, and have yet to even be shortlisted for any of Giovanni Trapattoni's Ireland squads. I mean not even the friendly against Wales earlier this year for crying out loud. Did he not see my goal against Rogers' Accounting Firm in the Boston Ski & Sports Club indoor soccer 7-a-side league earlier that month? I knew I should have had someone Youtube it.

Anyway, Trap, if you're reading this I'd like to formally announce that I no longer wish to be considered for selection. In my advancing years and declining fitness, I really need to focus more on Team PLB's relegation plight and spend more time with my cats.

Oh and Jurgen Klinsmann, if you happen to be browsing this site looking for some tactical advice as I know you do, you might be aware that I also qualify to represent the United States what with me being a citizen and all. Well I'm sorry but I'm going to have to decline your gracious offer. Can't have the likes of Landycakes moaning about us foreigners coming over and stealing all the jobs now, can we?

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Thomas Verm-ailing and Samir News

It will come as no surprise to any of you who play fantasy football but Arsenal will once again be without the services of one Thomas Vermaelan for some time. The news is certain to prompt many fantasy managers to trade Vermaelen and then fly into a fit of rage when he returns earlier than expected to post a shut-out and score two goals.

Glass Tom is expected be out for up to six weeks after it was revealed that the Arsenal defender underwent surgery on an achilles injury yesterday.

Vermaelen suffered the injury against Udinese two weeks ago and the club had hoped he would not require surgery given his key role within the Gunners defence. It is understood that Vermaelen will miss the Arsenal's opening two Champions League group stage games and the north London derby at Tottenham on 2 October.

The former Ajax man missed eight months of last season with a similar injury .

Per Mertesacker, who signed last week, is now likely to have to step up to fill Vermaelen's place in the team over the next two months.

In other Arsenal related news and filed under: Schadenfreude, old pal Samir Nasri broke his hand while on international duty with France this week.

The former Arsenal player was introduced as a 75th-minute substitute in the 0-0 draw in Romania and did not appear to have injured his hand during the match at all. Rumour has it the travelling France supporters' lack of passion caused a softening of Nasri's metacarpals and the fracture occurred post-match while the midfielder was flossing his gigantic teeth.

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Breaking News: This Ashley Young lad is quite good!

I awoke quite early this morning to get to work as soon as possible and hammer out a backlog of shit that I had waiting for me. In classic style our software decided cock-up on us as I was in the thick of it so I figured I'd hop on over to my favourite source of Premier League ins and outs (no transfer pun intended), The Guardian.

Granted I may have already been in a crap mood due to the aforementioned situation coupled with the knowledge that I'd already taken in all available football podcasts, but what I saw on the front page really put me over the edge:

"Ashley Young emerges from the fog to give England a winger windfall."

No shit? Please do educate me! In this article, Paul Hayward goes on to praise the newly found England winger as if he had just burst onto the scene from United's academy.

If the Guardian's Football Weekly podcast (which I love) was not enough regular proof, Hayward's latest effort points to the obvious fact that the British media outside the West Midlands pays little to no attention to Aston Villa FC and the same can be said for just about any club outside the the top 4 or London.

Am I going overboard? Perhaps, but how the hell else would you explain Young's play at Villa (a team where his play out-shined his teammates as opposed to United where he is another phenomenal piece to an already outstanding line-up) not garnering this praise?

Correct me if I'm completely retarded but if Usain Bolt could outsprint cheetahs while wearing trainers, why would you hold off penning the "next great olympian sprinter" article once he's got a brand new pair of state-of-the-art shoes?

I'll stop moaning soon but I've been a fan of Young since his days at Watford and when Villa signed him I was over the moon. And unlike Stewart Downing, whom I still pray winds up on the wrong end of a Joey Barton lunge and snaps his leg in eight pieces, I was comfortably resigned losing Young to United and wish him all the best. He deserves every bit of silverware he gets there. But this repeated dipshittery in the media over him right now smacks of "wow! who's this new guy we've never heard of before??!! He's amazing!!"

You're right. He is. Ask any Villa supporter over the last four years and nearly every one of them would tell you the same thing. But I read less about how amazing he was prior to United and more about what a dive merchant he was and how he "wasn't quite there yet." Did it occur to these morons that Young's problem was not his ability but that he needed better teammates? Not a dig on Villa, but they're not United. Shocker, I know.

I guess it really doesn't matter how pivotal a player you are. If you're not at United, Liverpool, Chelsea, et al then you're not getting much credit. Seems really backwards if you ask me. Barry Sanders didn't have to put up with this shit.

Here's the article:

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