Spanish side Getafe have put a new video out where they appeal to their fans to make more fans. And not just through conversion, but through reproduction. Spreading the seeds as well as the word, one might say.
It gets a bit NSFW about 45 seconds in. Tits and so forth. Youtube might take it down at some point, in which case you can watch it here.
Now I already mentioned that I don't speak Spanish, so I'm going to have to go on visuals and vocal tone to comprehend exactly what's going on here.
We open with a desolate stadium, followed by some old-timey photographs of Getafe teams of yore. The narrator and music give me the impression something very serious is going on. A lone fan appears in the stands. He looks right and left, and then down at his crotch region, snugly enveloped in the smallest pair of jeans you have ever seen.
Then POW! We are looking at a bunch of swimming sperm-tadpoles, followed by a bunch of plastic cups. Now our hero is sitting in a waiting room somewhere. He's then called upon and handed a DVD.
On goes the DVD, and...boxing gloves? Okay, I thought I was doing okay without a translator so far. "Something something Rocky presents," it says.
Cut to an empty stadium again, except some guy is hosing the pitch. A symbol? He spots a missile overhead. That's a symbol too. I should have been a teacher.
All of a sudden we're in some sort of steamy club room with a trio of nerd-babes. They drink some water and it seems to have the same effect on them as the smell from the men's locker room does on that girl in Porky's or whatever that movie was. You know the one? Whatever. So now one girl grabs another's bum and our narrator says all dramatic and shit "ZOMBIES CALIENTES." Another nerd-babe with pigtails walks in and says "hola." That means hello. Then HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS cover your eyes children, the sexo zombies extra-terrestras do all kinds of unspeakable things to one another. One of them has a machine gun for some reason. At this point I'm wondering what the legends yesteryear's Getafe teams pictured at the beginning would make of all this filth. The title comes up and I'm noticing how the "i" in "Calientes" is shaped. I see what you've done there, guys.
Back to our hero in non-DVD world, who proudly grabs the cup and heads towards the business room, flanked by an army of other heroes. Hopefully they have separate rooms. Things could be a little awkward if not. Oh and look, now we're cutting to a newborn baby in a hospital bed with bright blue eyes. I really hope none of you guys started to pull down your pants during that sexo zombies part.
More shots of the heroes and the most triumphant music you have ever heard in your life is at a climax, and then there's a graphic of another sperm-fish heading towards a white circle. The circle turns into the Getafe team logo, making the whole thing look totally official. Then there's a little message saying (I think) something about donating at clinics de esperma.
While I can appreciate the fact that this is a business model that focuses on the long-term, I can't help but wonder one thing. Do genes actually play a role in which team you end up supporting? Sure, I ended up supporting Liverpool just like my father did, but that was more as a result of him saying "that's Ian Rush there with the moustache, he's brilliant" and so on. Had I come from the same original source yet ended up in a different household there's a chance I could have ended up a Manchester United fan. Yikes, never thought of it like that. Perhaps they're counting on teenage rebellion. "Oh really dad, you're going to tell me to clean my room? Fine then, it's Getafe for me from now on."
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